MBK NEWSLETTER

WEEK 5!

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The commissioner would like to make a formal apology for not getting the newsletter out last week. 

Team of the Week

Congratulations to Coach Pole and Mills in the NFC and Coach Bianch in the AFC! 

Another TOTW for Team Metric! The commissioner is wondering who can put these coaches to bed.

“Just wait till Week 10, big matchup between us and The Metric. I think we’ll have no issue.” -commish 

And now a quote from Mr. Mills, best-selling author of The Metric: A Handbook, “We’d like to thank Luca Gianacce for the hard-fought battle, not many that challenge us the way he did. Also, thanks to Nick Gulizia, he had a cute week :)” 

Limited Time Offer!! 5-0% OFF

This game is getting to easy for Team Metric. In honor of being 5-0, the Metric would now like to offer their handbook for 50% off MBK owners who still have not purchased the handbook. 

The handbook will guide you to victory in your 2022-23 Fantasy Football season. 

THIS WILL BE THE LAST DISCOUNT OFFERED! The Metric Handbook is NOW 50% OFF FOR ALL MBK Owners. 

eTransfer $150 to matthew.miele@yahoo.ca to receive your copy. 

“That Was Easy” Presented by Staples

Ouch, this one’s gotta hurt coach. 

SHINETIME starts the injured DeVante Parker, thinking that he was going to lose anyways. 

“The way our seasons going, we folded the towel. It didn’t really matter who we start. We’re looking at next year” said Coach Giannace in a post-game conference. 

Little did he know a 4.2 point, former Arizona State WR Brand Aiyuk would’ve gave SHINETIME team of the week.

SHINETIME won the largest margin of victory this week with a whopping 84 points. 

Coach Giorgio declined to comment on his team’s performance after a miserable year. 

Maybe you should save your draft money?

Revisit MBK Newsletter Week 3 Edition, “Maybe You Should Save Your Draft Money?”

Commish Miele was wrong about Moneyball. In fact, maybe you should save your draft money. 

It won Coach Bianchi team of the week this week, with healthy gameplay for the Chargers. Herbert and Ekeler combined for a total of 64 points. 

“Bad draft, good week.” Coach Bianchi

Don’t Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch

“Out of all fucking people, we didn’t want to lose to Ellis The Don, a shit mishmash of players owned by a MBK Rookie owner. What a disgrace.” Commish Miele was caught uttering in a Monday night press conference. 

Ellis The Don beat Scary Terry thanks to an Indianapolis Defence that learned what a tight end was on Monday. Mark Andrews single-handedly crushed Indy, bringing Ellis the Don to a 4 point win over the undefeated Scary Terry & The Boys. 

Thank you Robert Tonyan!

Meet Robert. Robert is a caucasian, middle-aged tight end in the National Football League who currently plays for the Green Bay Packers. Some say he would’ve been better as a QB, scoring a high school record in his junior and senior year with over 5000 career passing yards. 

Robert has scored 1 point in almost every single week of fantasy this year, but this week was special. 

“We needed that 1.3 points from our boy Rob. Without that, we would’ve lost.” said Coach Steve 

PrimeTime was able to squeak out a win versus Dalvin and the Chipmunks by 1.3 points, the closest matchup of the week. 

The Biggest Degen 

Coach Gabe continues to be the biggest degen in the MBK 2021 league with a 1-4 start to the season and dismal performance overall. When going through team computers, Coach Gabe was too busy looking for Halloween costumes this week rather than practicing with his team. 

The 1-4 Top Degens are deciding if they want to commit to another season with the MBK boys, but it’s proving to be a tough decision. 

Brotherly Love 

Flashback to 2013 when John and Jim Harbaugh faced off in the Superbowl. Though this wasn’t the MBK Bowl, the Benigno brothers knew it would come with similar pride and bragging rights. 

After an 0-4 start, Schuba thought they could get fancy, starting two donuts, Kenny Golladay and DeVante Parker. Sub-par games from Brandin Cooks and Tyler Boyd didn’t help with Schuba’s overall 73 points. 

Undr the Radr gets their first W for the 2021 season and believes this is the start to the perfect back half of the season. 

“We’re just proud we got to see our sons play each other. We didn’t care who won. We’re so proud of them!” said Mom. 

Power Rankings – AFC

Power Rankings – NFC